Five Things I Learned Last Year as a Tarotist and as a Human
2020 is over. Here are some things it taught me.
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2020 is over. Here are some things it taught me.
Read MoreToxic positivity keeps us stuck. Tarot helps us understand our feelings and heal.
Don’t we all have someone in our lives whose way of looking at the world and interacting with others is a little bit off?
Sometimes they have actually diagnoses. Sometimes they should have a diagnosis but don’t. Sometimes their behavior is so unique that there isn’t a diagnostic category for them.
Many times these people – our lovers, our parents, our siblings, our friends or our adult kids – are harmful to us.
On the other hand, we may know people with complex diagnoses who are not harmful to us. Just because someone deals with mental or emotional problems doesn’t mean they can’t make valuable contributions in a family or social setting.
The tricky part is in knowing whether the situation is dangerous, whether we can help and what to do.
The legal litmus for whether an emotionally disturbed person can function in society is simple. They must not be a danger to themselves or a danger to others.
In that case, the danger is assumed to be specifically physical. But what happens when we find ourselves connected to someone who poses an emotional danger to us?
Here are some things to consider.
A person can be completely sane and still be an emotional danger. Some people trigger us in ways that aren’t helpful. Often it is not their fault. We still need to recognize it and walk away.
Many times people with emotional, personality and mental disorders are very charming and dynamic. We become enamored of their charisma before we realize the problems they have.
The biggest mistake we make is trying to understand the crazy things people do and say. We become confused and angered by contradictory statements and manipulative behavior.
When we love someone it is hard to believe they are actively manipulating us.
When we love someone we often have denial about the obviously crazy things they do.
Sometimes it’s hard to understand that they can’t just change their behavior overnight.
In a situation with someone who may pose emotional danger, many times our first reaction is “How can I help?”
The answer is, you may or may not be able to!
If the person is open to therapy, it might be good to start there.
Another way to help is to never take their words or actions personally. You know this is how they are, don’t let it get to you! If you can’t do that you need to walk away.
When you talk with the person about your concerns and try to help them think more logically, do it at a time when they are calm and not upset.
Sometimes there is really nothing you can do. If it is time to walk away, walk away clean. No phone calls, no texts, no lunch, no drinks. Over is over.
No one is the perfect picture of mental health. We all have issues. The people we love have issues. That’s just life. Sometimes we trigger each other’s issues. Sometimes we heal each other. Sometimes love makes a real difference in a person’s life. Sometimes love is the greatest healer.
Sometimes, though, the most loving thing we can do, for ourselves and others, is to walk away from a hurtful situation. Even when it is someone we love. Even when it is someone who claims to need us.
Knowing when to walk away or when to try to make it work is the hardest thing. Many times that decision should be based on two things.
First, what is the person’s demonstrated capacity to heal, understand, and improve?
Second, what is your capacity to not be upset by the person’s difficult behavior?
If you can’t ignore it and they can’t grow, you may have no other choice than to set the boundaries you need to protect yourself from emotional danger.
I'm sure many people notice synchronicity in their lives. Tarot readers may notice it more because it shows up in readings as well as in their own lives.
The sort of synchronicity I mean is this. A particular theme shows up as a type of problem that everyone seems to be having at once.
The one that happened to me this week teaches a lesson that I have already learned. So why did it show up for me? I think it showed up because I was able to offer appropriate advice that came both from my own heart and from the cards.
The theme of the week was "getting along with others." This theme showed up especially in business relationships and friendships.
When we talk about the importance of getting along I need to make one thing clear. There are times, especially with families and spouses, when we need to understand the differences between misunderstandings and abuse.
Every family will suffer misunderstandings that are born of stress, personality differences and differences of opinion. Sometimes family relationships (and romantic relationships) can become toxic and/or abusive. When this is the case we need boundaries. Sometimes we need to practice compassionate detachment and end the relationship.
The relationship issues that have come up as a theme for me this week are not about those kinds of relationships. The kinds of relationships I am addressing here are relationships that are an obvious mutual benefit but have run into trouble.
The basic question is this. What happens when you and a friend or business associate are angry with each other?
Somehow anger and hurt feelings often cause us to lose the rational, mature mind and revert to acting like pedantic children in the sandbox. Pride and ego keep us from extending the olive branch. An apology seems like a sign of weakness.
Tarot offers solutions to these problems both in the act of tarot reading and in the spiritual messages from individual cards.
Major Arcana 8, Strength, reminds us that we are strongest when we come from a place of love rather than anger. If we can initiate solving the problem in a loving way we have an opportunity to become the bigger person. It's called the high road for a reason!
Major Arcana 11, Justice, reminds us to do the right thing, no matter what. We cannot let hurt and anger define our moral compass.
Major Arcana 20, Judgment, teaches us to put closure to upsetting incidents and move forward, led by the voice of the angels.
In tarot numerology six can be about victory, glory and service. The sixes in the Minor Arcana each give us an indication of ways to handle conflict.
The Six of Swords tells us to let logic be our guide rather than emotion.
The Six of Cups reminds us to honor our longstanding relationships.
The Six of Pentacles reminds us of the need to help each other and treat each other fairly.
The Six of Wands is the card of victory. When we can handle situations with grace, ease and fairness then everyone wins!