Why is Crazy so Hot?

heartI remember, years ago, meeting a boy I really liked.  We had great conversation, and lots in common.  In truth, we were friends.  But I wanted more.

Problem was, he liked another girl.  When he spoke of her, he would say, “She is cra-aazy!”  He would have sort of a glint in his eyes when his said it.

I knew something of her antics, and agreed.  She WAS crazy.

I assumed that he would find her craziness a detractor.  Maybe it would make him want someone more grounded, like me.

I was wrong.  Her craziness what was turned him on.

At the time, I decided HE was crazy for liking her better than me, and moved on.

Years later, it is clear to me that many men really do enjoy a crazy vibe in women.

We see proof of this in the entertainment world.

On the popular TV show, Glee, Will Schuester has had not one but four crazy chicks in his life.  He divorced Terri, who has a monster anxiety disorder.  He dated April the alcoholic, and Holly, who has a pathological fear of commitment.  His heart truly belongs to Emma, who has textbook obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Will is supposed to be a role model, and, to some extent, the sex symbol that keeps middle-aged women like me watching the show.

We see, too, how much the public eats up stories of the Bimbos of the Apocalypse - hot celebrities who get into trouble – like Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Tara Reid.  Now it looks like Christina Aguilera is joining their ranks with her own piece of crazy.

 I’ll be the first to admit that most women can be a bit sensitive, or a bit anxious, from time to time.  But that’s not what I’m talking about. 

My question is, what is it about crazy girls that makes guys willing to risk their own sanity for them?

I suppose I could ask the same question about bad boys and nice girls.

And maybe that’s my answer.  Maybe it is part of the human condition to be sometimes attracted to exactly the things that are bad for us.  Maybe that explains the lure of tobacco and chocolate as well.

Maybe, too, the more “off” a romantic partner’s behavior is, the more we think that partner might forgive in us.

Some people enjoy “fixer upper” models when it comes to romantic partners.  They see the potential, and  they want to be the one to make it happen.

Still, I can’t help but feel sorry for all the sane girls and nice boys out there.  They often get ignored, dumped and passed by.  They often have full knowledge that the people chosen instead will only bring the people who chose them a world of misery.

Tarot readers are likewise often frustrated with their client’s inability to see, in certain circumstances, how their own romantic choices create havoc.

So what answers does tarot have for us?

I asked the question, “Why do so many men like crazy women?” and pulled a card.

The card I received, surprisingly, is the Four of Wands, the traditional marriage card.

The Four of Wands suggests the ability to place fire in a safe and stable place, like the hearth of a home.

It may be that some guys think a crazy girl won’t be bored or boring, and that there is way to safely keep the crazy inside appropriate boundaries.

It may be that, for some people, the challenge of taming a wild one makes the catch all the sweeter.  Maybe crazy girl equals big fish, or hard-to-beat sport opponent.

Just to be fair, I then asked of the tarot, “Why do nice girls like bad boys?”

The answer here was much different.  I got The Emperor, reversed.  To me, that’s all about father issues.  Nice girls who like bad boys are often subconsciously casting their love interests in the role of their disinterested or abusive fathers.

My take-away from this is the possibility that, while men and women can both sometimes make destructive choices in love relationships, the reasons for those choices may be very different.

Does that mean I think nice guys should avoid crazy chicks, or that nice girls should avoid bad boys?  Actually, I would never make such a blanket statement.

The thing about love is this.  Love can, in certain circumstances, make the crazy become suddenly sane, and make the bad become suddenly good.  If we expect that, we are expecting too much.  But if we don’t leave room for the possibility, we are not allowing love to be the miracle that it is.